Our God is an Awesome God. Praise the Lord, my soul. There are no coincidences any more, only signs from above. In August, I was delighted to be able to sign up to attend the Men’s ACTS Retreat. It fell on my weekend off and also concluded on September 29th, the Feast Day of St. Michael the Archangel. That was sign enough for me to see I was meant to attend that retreat on that particular weekend. Just to show you how Satan works on us, I would like to explain the evening leading up to my recent weekend retreat. Wednesday evening, the seeds of doubt were being planted…help out at the golf tournament like you have the past 3 years during the day on Friday, you know how much you enjoy doing that, and you said you would be able to help out…the dedication of the new stadium at St. Charles Catholic by Archbishop Aymond with Gayle Benson in attending also Friday evening…Kyle and Kathleen playing at Frenier Landing Friday night, you know you haven’t been in a while, there will probably be plenty of friends there, you know how much you will miss that…60th Wedding Anniversary for your Nanny and Uncle, you have to go to that, the family will be there, you can’t miss out on that… So, there I sat, thoughts running through my head, should I cancel, should I go, should I just try to make the next one, will I be upset if I go and miss all the activities at home, should I ignore the glaring sign that originally set my decision to go in motion? This went on into Thursday morning when I awoke, and lasted until midday, when I finally decided that I was definitely going.
Saturday night at the retreat, the realization hit me that it was Satan throwing those seeds of doubt in my garden and hoping they would take root quickly so I would choose not to go. He knew the power of this retreat, he knew that a great victory for him would be won if I did not attend. Those plans of his were spoiled. My lesson learned from this is to hopefully be able to recognize the times that Satan is trying to sway my actions or my faith, and to be able to fight through those times. I now know I would have totally regretted not attending the retreat this weekend, which leads me to the 2nd part of this post…retreats with Evan.
I was never lucky enough to have the chance to share a retreat with Evan like many fathers and sons do at Manresa. I was never able to take him with me. I know this is something he would have enjoyed immensely. His faith in and love of God would have grown by leaps and bounds with each passing retreat. His devotion to God, along with his speaking ability and leadership qualities would have made for one amazing retreat leader some day. This was my 3rd year attending Manresa since Evan’s passing, and each year I feel the loss and the sadness that comes with knowing I was never able to bring him here and that it took his death to get me here. The revelation hit me that Saturday morning…had he not passed, I may never have received the chance to share this with him or bring him with me on a retreat because I may not have attended any. The irony of the situation is that he was the one who brought me to Manresa. He is the one who is sharing the retreat with me. I can release that burden of guilt. That feeling is now gone because I know every time I step foot on the grounds at Manresa, he is there with me, watching over me, kneeling beside me as I pray, and sending inspiration so that I may continue his mission. Thank you Evan, for finally helping me realize that I don’t need to beat myself up with regret any longer. I Love you my son.
God Bless You All,
You Are In My Prayers
Scott
